Ideas and occupation

Well as you might or might not know my Dad is a manager for a company that sells organic fertilizers and repellents and stuff like that. Well, another fun fact that you will soon see ties in with the fact about my dad is that since I was little I always liked looking through lenses and looking at pictures that my uncle (he was a photojournalist) took and I loved it. Well, a while ago my dad asked me if I would take the pictures for his company and I actually hadn't been into photography for about 3 years before that happened but I said yes. And that peaked my interest again so now the time is drawing nearer to when I need to start taking pictures for them but I still have the dilemma of a lack of camera. So I'm going to go check out cameras again for the 6th time since he has asked me to take photos for his company so I'm sure its starting to get close to the time when I will be looking through a lens again. 

Other than that I'm still doing my music stuff and I was starting to doubt myself a little bit but then I sent my lyrics and just random stuff I wrote to some people and the odd thing is that they started to praise me. And that honestly kind of scares me a little bit. I don't want to be some idol. But oh well. Still thinking I'm not that great but it helps to know that what you do effects how others feel. And I will leave you with a little rant that will end up being in the first song of the record or what ever you want to call it. But the thing is you will never really hear it unless you know exactly what to do to hear it. Now isn't that fun?

"Just stop and listen to all the things wrong in the world and figure out our place in this mess of politics and war that we started. Try to see the good in everyone and everything. All is well in he world, we just don't see as clearly as we should because the veil hasn't been lifted from our minds that have been tricked into believing everything the media is feeding us. I love each and everyone of you so just stop and think."

Lyrics and List of what i have laid out for a CD

So I have decided to set a goal of 11 songs for the 'album' and here is the list so far and it is subject to change.

1: Transition Unfinished

2: In My Head

3:

4:

5:

6:

7: 

8: Big Bang Theory

9:

10:

11: Children's March (New Endings)

Here are the Lyrics I have for each one

"Transition Unfinished"

Your leaving

It's over

We've lost

"In My Head"

Fall back, Relapse

Say It's all in my head

It's all in my head

Spiders crawling out of my skin

Lay in bed, lay in bed

Tell yourself, It's all in your head

It's all in your head

Fall back, Relapse

Then your dead

Then your dead.

I'm losing my mind

I've lost my sight

It's all in my head

It's all in my head

Find my mind

I fear I've lost

Fear I've lost

Fear I've lost what was mine

What was mine

What was mine

Can't seem to find

Seem to find

Seem to fine

Who I am

Who I am

In your eyes and in your mind

In your mind

In your mind

Will I be next?

Will I be next?

"Big Bang Theory"

This is the end of history

For you and me.

I thought we could

Go on like the big bang.

I guess we fell faster than we thought.

We fell under the weight

Of our innocence 

But you turn your back on me

Your falling towards the sky

I fell harder than I thought

I'm stuck on you being with him

While I'm here waiting for you.

I thought we could

Go on like the big bang

And fall like the stars out of the sky

But we burnt out too fast

Reassurance

So for the past few days I have been franticly getting all of my old songs back that I wrote for Kiss Me, Cassanova so I can re-write some and put them in order for my record and in the middle of that all I have also been adding bands on my myspace page like none other and the greatest thing happened today. Artists are telling me that they really like my music. Now if they are just saying this to make me like them more, I don't know. But regardless I think it is amazing. It has been one of the best feelings I have ever experienced. To have something that you made be enjoyed by people you admire is a feeling like none other.

The school situation is starting to get a little clearer now. What I think I may do is I am going to try to get into some kind of university with an audio program next fall. The problem that I think I'm having is that I'm not motivated because I have no classes that I really like to make me want to better in classes I don't really like. So tomorrow I'm going to sign up for the SAT. Wish me hope =]

Good Night-

Ryan

Life as it starts.

So at this point in time I feel the need to start everything over again. I just left my previous band, Kiss Me, Cassanova, due to artistic differences and now I am trying to focus on my own project that has been in the works for quite sometime now. For now I really want to develop my voice more and to get back into theater related things so my next step is to try out for some musicals or theater related activities in general.  School has been so bad for me up until this point. And bad being that I honestly don't know what I'm doing with my life so I don't know if I really want to be going to school or not or something like that. My depression is getting a little better but it still has the best of be shrouded in a cloak of hatred towards myself and my mind. I also think part of it is my lack of friends. My best friend went back to Idaho for school and I know its really selfish but I really want her to come back. I just feel so lost for some reason, I wish I had some kind of guidance to tell me exactly which road I need to take and where to go when I get to intersections instead of letting go of the wheel and letting myself drift without control into which ever way I may end up going. At least church is still going well. But right now I am just really doubting myself in every way possible. I doubt my music will ever be heard or enjoyed by anyone other than those who know me and I honestly do want alot of people to hear it mainly because I feel like it may help those who are lost like me to know that they can find something that may help them find their way. So I guess this is my way of saying I am starting a new and the worst is over.